Thursday, October 21, 2004

I Met A Bona Fide Murderer Today

As you may have noticed, I am a bit tardy with the Australian saga update. That's because I decided to actually do the job I am paid to do at work. As I mentioned before, the contest is over, but it's real hard to stop playing.

Most newspaper columnists turn out more or less 1,000 words a week...I gotta pace myself or fry. It's coming, though.

Here's an update from my man Clarence, trainee history teacher in Richmond's juvenile prison.

Shit got real in the big house this week. Had a straight up riot on Tuesday. I couldn't see most of it, but it sounded bad ass, believe you me. Here's a nice perk of prison teaching though: riots mean a lock down, which means we teachers just chill. All the teachers have a bunch of movies for these sorta days, so we just watched Jurassic Park and Shawshank Redemption (I know) until it was cool to go.

Here's another tip I learned. Can't afford a tattoo? No problem. Simply get a paperclip, and then work it with some sandpaper until you have a proper jailhouse needle. Use some antibacterial Dial soap to sterilize. Then steal an ink cartridge from a printer and just poke the shit out yourself until you get the tattoo you always wanted.

Also, I met a bona fide murderer today. I know there's a bunch in there, but this is the first guy I know for sure. He's got 20 years and then 50 suspended after that if he fucks up again. I suspect it may be difficult to motivate this gentleman to compare and contrast the Federalist System with Jeffersonian Republicanism.

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