Exactly How It Went Down, For Real

The CVS in DC's Chinatown is open 24 hours, which means it's never time to clean up before closing. There are little bits of trash on the floor, random things sort of dangle from the ceiling, and somehow even the flourescent light bulbs look half-assed.

The staff were all over the place tonight, shouting to each other, laughing. The place was utter chaos...you couldn't tell the difference between the line and the people working--the place could have gotten robbed and nobody would have noticed.

I stepped forward to a gum-cracking teenager behind the cash register and slapped my purchase down, ready for some attitude.

"Good evening and welcome to CVS sir, would you like to see my picture this evening," said the clerk in her best canned/bored customer service voice.

"Huh? Uh, I certainly would..." I replied, all confused.

"A-ight then, here it go," she said gleefully, handing me the photo upside down.

I flipped it over. Although slightly overexposed, it clearly revealed an image of a giant orange tabby cat, absolutely eviscerating a dead rat in a driveway. The photographer managed to capture the cat ripping a long strip of brown hair-covered flesh, oozing with blood from a largish rat corpse. Its eyes bulged, glazerd with shocked horror from beyond the grave.

"That picture made my day," the clerk informed me. "I was just having the worst fuckin' day, my head was all hurtin' and shit, then I clocked in and saw somebody brought that photo in to be developed, and it just made my whole day."

I have been known to exaggerate for comic effect, but the above is exactly how it went down, and I am not lying, for real.

posted by Jeff Simmermon @ 1:52 AM