Thursday, September 07, 2006

Is It Illegal to Wear A Tiny Skirt and Look Played Out?

"You know you've got a prostitute in your building, man?"

We were bobbing down the Potomac, a flotilla of tipsy tubers splashing and saucing it up when my neighbor's boyfriend broke the news. While I was shocked, I couldn't say that I was completely surprised.

Apparently she was making a pretty heavy effort to look like she was chilling in front of the building when Marty came over late the other night. Something about the way she said "Hey man ..." and glanced him up and down, then bum rushed her way in when he got buzzed in tipped him off. There was something desperate and aggressively sexual in her stance, and it just set his bells off.

I didn't bother to ask how he learned to read this behavior so precisely.

She sure does hang out around the front of my building a lot in some pretty revealing outfits. And she sure does spend a lot of time with those two sketchy dudes with the dreadlocks in my builiding. The last desk clerk told me on her last day that they were crack dealers. Who knows the truth, though.

She is, beneath layers of ravaging addiction, a fundamentally attractive lady. Or was. She kinda looks like a healthy, vibrant woman that's had a 'Crackhead' filter in Photoshop applied to her with a very heavy hand.

But there's no law against that, is there? Wearing a tiny little tank top and a tiny little skirt and some platform boots and looking kinda played out? Maybe there ought to be a law, but there isn't one yet.

Like Wanda Sykes' character said in Pootie Tang:
You think that just cuz a girl likes to dress fancy and stand on the corner next to some 'hos, that she's hookin?

I got back from tubing with my judgement considerably clouded. Somebody had been getting stupid with the "Whiskey" filter in Photoshop, and it was making it pretty hard to get my key into the lock on the first try.

An attractive lady approached me, pushing a bicycle. She was wearing a short skirt and a tiny tank top. "Hey, man," she breathed, gazing me up and down. "What you up to tonight?"

We got a 'ho in the building. You can just tell.

It's almost like a completion of the neighborhood, in a way. Like there goes the mailman, the fire truck, the garbageman, and the 'ho. We got the whole Urban Fisher Price set now.

Underneath the jokes, this is really disturbing. I want to call someone and make the whole situation go away. And if I were to call the cops, they might come arrest her, and her dreadlocked pimps if they're really ambitious. But that's not what I want. It's not going to fix the problem.

I want someone to come rappelling out of the sky and treat her disease, render her free of addiction and restore her sense of self-respect. When I say I want the problem gone, I want the REAL problem gone.

I haven't seen her around lately. I went out of town for a few days, though. Maybe someone came swooping in and carried her off to a rehab facility where all her real problems are being fixed at their roots, and she'll emerge a saddened but wiser and more hopeful member of society.

Then again, maybe not.


At 6:20 PM, Anonymous suicide_blond said...
If you really want to help.. i can vouch for 'em..they do good work.. the first time i met a real ho..i realized...shit..there is a real person there and damn..she must hurt pretty bad to be out her on this corner all night.... addiction flat out sux.

At 10:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want photos please

At 11:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"She is, beneath layers of ravaging addiction, a fundamentally attractive lady. Or was. She kinda looks like a healthy, vibrant woman that's had a 'Crackhead' filter in Photoshop applied to her with a very heavy hand."

that is one of the best things i've read all week.


At 3:36 PM, Anonymous Marina Grace said...

Hey! I love your writing style.
... and something tells me she didn't go out of town.

At 7:09 PM, Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

Fantastic word portrait, thank you!

All of us privileged, well educated, addicted only to coffee people can only imagine such a life. She has her own path, who knows what it's like for her? I feel so lucky that I can't even imagine it.

At 2:34 PM, Anonymous melody said...

I think you're a good writer and you're entitled to your opinions and all but I think this is a slightly snarky, bigoted, anti- choice blog entry. It comes across that you have mixed feelings here that you haven't sorted out. It's a sort of -let's all mock this wretchedness and alternately pity it/save it.

Ask yourself,why is she "disturbing" to you? I'm not sure what you think is the "REAL problem". Is it her crack addiction you think you know she has?

You are, of course, free to write,say, believe, fuck, drink, smoke,snort,read,eat,work at, protest, whatever you like, long as it doesn't trample on someone elses rights. This gal has the same rights as you. However, this is in direct contradiction to your espousing of freedom of speech and choice (especially freedom to sleep with whomever you choose and freedom to imbibe certain substances.) You are going to bat against someone who clearly has many in society are working against/judging her/mocking not just her clothes, but her. And she sure isn't hurting your property values, a claim many like to make against ho's , openly gay people and of course, racial minorities...

So she turns tricks. So what? Save your pity and try some compassion instead. How is anyone's quality of life ruined by her? Or do you mean her tricks are the problem and not her? Be specific then.

Please remember in your rebuttal, I have three generations of law enforcement family that back me up on this.47 years of law enforcement in my family, including my grandpa, a police chief, will tell you whores are not the problem. The violence and prejudice against working ladies is. Why don't you ask her if she wants some help from you?

Check out just a few prostitutes rights websites too...

At 3:39 PM, Anonymous melody said...

I forgot these important sites...

At 12:21 AM, Blogger Lonnie Bruner said...

Hey Jeff,

By any chance, is the ho who lives in your building named Melody? And does she have a foot-long branch up her arse?

Just wondering ...



At 8:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Melody Melody Melody......time to get your own soap box.

At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

...or maybe some harmony


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