Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Bling King

A pilgrimage to Graceland is every American's civic duty, right up there with voting and paying taxes. And unlike voting and paying taxes, the consequences are nowhere nearly as dire if you screw it up. Just show up, put the headphones on and start walking and you're pretty much solid gold.

Graceland is also one of the few remaining examples of late 60's/early 70's interior design anywhere in the world. It's an example of life and decor at its finest, before to 80's inspired everyone to get with track lighting and black leather.

You can dismiss his music as irrelevant if you want, but you've got to admit this: Presley is the godfather of bling-bling as the world knows it. His house may be a little anticlimactic to a generation that's been inoculated against true fly style by MTV's 'Cribs', but this is where it all started.

A long tradition of talented mouthbreathers with more money than IQ points owe it all to the King, baby. He may not have been a musical genius, but as a performer and stylesetter, there is no comparison.

Look at what the man wore AROUND, for Christ's sake:

Wu-Tang Swords No Match for Tiger Style

As a side note -- while I was photographing this, two children had their faces pressed against the glass, rapt in fabulous sequin-studded wonder. One of them began to slowly, rhythmically bounce his forehead off of the glass. A no-no, but I was feeling it, too. The spangliness of the suit just hit this boy and struck him retarded, so retarded he had to play a little rhythm of praise with his own face. A mother of some sort came screeching over, hollering "Stop hitting that glass with yer FACE!!" and belted the offender's BROTHER on the back of his head, sending his face into the glass with a loud thud. An alarm went off. Crying, the brother said "Mom, it wasn't even me, it was HIM!" "Sorry, baby," she said. "Let's get out of here, quick."

I felt like hauling off and nailing her on the chin with a right cross and saying "Oh, sorry, I meant to punch my girlfriend."

Check this suit out:

American LEGEND

If George Bush had jumped out of that airplane on the aircraft carrier wearing THIS little number, I'd have believed him when he said "Mission Accomplished."

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