Monday, April 02, 2007

Sitting on the Horns

I'm disillusioned with D.C. I'm over it. I didn't come here to work in politics, not trying to destroy the world or save it. I'm just ... over it. Even the wacky liberals are boring here -- same clothes, different bands, same dogma. I don't happen to find politics very interesting at all anymore, and I cringe internally when I hear someone say to a group of people "so, what do you do?" because I'm about to have to feign enthusiasm over and over again.

Admittedly, this could be because I am not thrilled about what I do, either.

Which is too bad, because I've become one of those people that bitches about the city without having any new plans.

What it comes down to is this: I want to move out of here, but I'm really scared. All my favorite people live within four hours' drive from here. They've all heard this vague litany, too, over and over: I'm tired of D.C., I wanna move, blah blah. Thing is, I don't know where, and I don't know what I'll do when I get there.

A couple years ago I sold everything I could, packed up everything else and moved to Australia without a working visa. And, while it was this amazing, transformative life experience, it was traumatic as hell at the same time. I spent the whole time looking for a job, felt desperate and destitute, and though I'm glad I did it, I don't ever want to do that again.

So why am I writing this? Because. If I tell someone, put it in print right there on the screen, I'm backing myself into a corner. I'm daring myself to jump. I've got a great job lead here that I would consider staying for, but otherwise I am out by summer. It's the risk/reward corollary.

I was in New York this weekend, loving it, of course. My friend Jon said to me "No matter how much money you have saved up, this city will find a way to punch you in the gut in your first three months. I don't know if I like living here or not, but I'm addicted to it."

Somehow, I see that as a selling point.

The first step in beating your fears is admitting you're scared, then facing them. This post is that step.


At 9:53 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

At a loss for words. I want to say congratulations and way to go or something, but I'm not sure what. Admitting that you want something different is a great first step.

At 10:52 PM, Blogger E :) said...

Go for it, Jeff!

At 9:16 AM, Anonymous kfan said...

Forget NY. Everyone's moving to Austin.

At 9:21 AM, Blogger Lonnie Bruner said...

You'll be missed if you go, but I might agree with kfan. I could see you living in Austin.

At 3:00 PM, Anonymous suicide_blond said...

i too vote austin..
but im just a silly country girl at heart..

At 10:09 PM, Blogger Listmaker said...

dude, i told you ten years ago to move to nyc. that being said, i want to move to austin.

At 11:49 AM, Blogger cheryl said...

dear jeff, someone once told me (and it turned out to be true):

"Moving to New York is not that big a deal."

also, don't listen to kfan, he lives in freakin urbana illinois. what does he know?

At 1:19 PM, Anonymous Ceilisundancer said...

I was born here (DC), and have lived elsewhere occasionally, from Santa Barbara, Ca., to Portland, Maine. If not for my immediate family type issues, I've had moved away years ago (probably to Seattle or greater Boston). I'm not into politics, et al, either. You are not constrained by kids or caring for your elders -- explore, enjoy, include a safety net:)

At 3:27 PM, Blogger Rothko10 said...

I've spent quite a bit of time in Austin and go back whenever I can. It's a great town and one I always feel at home in. That said, I would not choose to live in Austin over DC, or New York. I've spent most of my life in either Houston or Dallas. And I'd definitely pick Austin over either of those cities, but not over anything the east or west coast has to offer (barring LA, of course - I would never move to LA). It's true that Austin is the safe liberal haven inside Texas. But it's still inside Texas. And while that's cool some of the time, it gets to be really annoying a lot of the time. (And don't be fooled - politics is big in Austin, too!)

At 12:25 PM, Anonymous jenko3821 said...

i moved from dc to san francisco 27 years ago, with the same excitement and trepidation you seem have now. was a wonderful move, has been a great run, but wouldn't you know in the last 3 years i have been traveling back to dc 3 or 4 times a year. i miss it a lot, and enjoy the visits. living there is different than visiting, but i could move back in an instant. what does all this mean? you're young, try something different if you want but dc is still a hellofa town. good luck.


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