Sitting on the HornsI'm disillusioned with D.C. I'm over it. I didn't come here to work in politics, not trying to destroy the world or save it. I'm just ... over it. Even the wacky liberals are boring here -- same clothes, different bands, same dogma. I don't happen to find politics very interesting at all anymore, and I cringe internally when I hear someone say to a group of people "so, what do you do?" because I'm about to have to feign enthusiasm over and over again.
Admittedly, this could be because I am not thrilled about what I do, either.
Which is too bad, because I've become one of those people that bitches about the city without having any new plans.
What it comes down to is this: I want to move out of here, but I'm really scared. All my favorite people live within four hours' drive from here. They've all heard this vague litany, too, over and over: I'm tired of D.C., I wanna move, blah blah. Thing is, I don't know where, and I don't know what I'll do when I get there.
A couple years ago I sold everything I could, packed up everything else and moved to Australia without a working visa. And, while it was this amazing, transformative life experience, it was traumatic as hell at the same time. I spent the whole time looking for a job, felt desperate and destitute, and though I'm glad I did it, I don't ever want to do that again.
So why am I writing this? Because. If I tell someone, put it in print right there on the screen, I'm backing myself into a corner. I'm daring myself to jump. I've got a great job lead here that I would consider staying for, but otherwise I am out by summer. It's the risk/reward corollary.
I was in New York this weekend, loving it, of course. My friend Jon said to me "No matter how much money you have saved up, this city will find a way to punch you in the gut in your first three months. I don't know if I like living here or not, but I'm addicted to it."
Somehow, I see that as a selling point.
The first step in beating your fears is admitting you're scared, then facing them. This post is that step.