It's Official: Nobody In DC Can Get A Damn Thing Done At Work

Voting day is finally upon us, and it's official: nobody in DC can do a damn thing at work except talk about the election. We had a team meeting this afternoon, but it was like having a free election in Iraq...

People are huddled around each others' computers offering armchair analysis of the exit polls. I checked with the magic 8-ball on my coworkers' cube and it says "Be cool. Bush is outta here."

Here's a roundup:

Michael Moore's letter is awesome.

Fox News can't say shit for itself. An arch-conservative bastion reporting on heavy voter turnout this late in the day is like General Custer saying "Can you believe that cloud formation up thereeeaaaghhhhh..."

Are undecided voters dipshits or what? These two girls were openly debating the election right next to my cube today. One of them is vehemently pro-life, and based on that issue, can't decide who to vote for. This was at like, ten o'clock this morning. I asked them to please hold it down so I could focus on my work. WhatI meant was "please don't stand right next to me and say you're still undecided. I might have to suffocate you with a Safeway bag and I need something to hold my lunch in until noon at least."

The Situation Update From Oz, as posted on McSweeney's, cracked me up.

Jenny Miller runs a mean blog, and she's got a tight roundup of the day's events.

The zeitgeist is running hot and thick here in D.C. Republican are uncharacteristically quiet, and the air is electric. I can't wait to get on my bike tonight and just roll around Northwest and feel the vibes, brother. People are excited but too restrained to admit it. It feels like finally for once in the past four years the American people are going to get to take a deep breath and say "Oh, thank GOD."

posted by Jeff Simmermon @ 5:04 PM