Truly FrustratingClarence is back! He had to keep it quiet for several months, but is now back in full effect with more tales from the Richmond Juvenile Correctional Education system. Enjoy:
One of most frustrating aspects for those who work in corrections is the fact that inmates have to pee. This is frustrating because that pee has to go somewhere; a function made all the more exasperating because it is one of the few things the state cannot control. That is to say, the inmate always gets to choose where his piss is going to land, and if he opts for anywhere but the toilet, that's where its gonna go.
Case in point: light bulb changing day in the Max. Some poor bastard of a contractor has to come in and do this, and the fellas housed in the Max never respond well to outsiders. So there he is locked in a 15 by 15 room, a room whose walls contain nothing but thick ass metal doors. And each of those doors contains a window the size a shoe box, windows where this contractor will alternatingly see cocks, middle fingers, and, ever so rarely, the fecal fresco.
He will of course hear nothing but obscenities. He will admit to me later that all these threats being hurled by the locked down inmates will confuse him, because he is after all just there to help them out. For if he did follow their instructions to "bounce, motherfucker!", well then they'd just be sitting there in the dark. So when the inmate told him to leave or get pissed on, the contractor didn't think much of it, especially because of the big, thick metal doors separating him from them.
Well don't you know it wouldn't be but three minutes later while he was sitting on the floor unwrapping flourescent tubes that he felt his ass getting all wet though his workman's pants. 16 little streams of piss coming from under 16 metal doors had snaked their way like the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon and soaked his Dickies.
Now that is frustrating.