Can He Protect Us From A Giant Asteroid?

Here's some post-election analysis from my man Clarence, history teacher in a juvenile detention center in Richmond, Virginia:

As I was lecturing on the electoral college Nov. 2, I realized that due to the truly spectacular amount of felonies these "students" amassed before getting their driver's licenses, not a one of them would be voting, ever. They were a pro-Kerry crowd nonetheless, although with approximately the same amount of knowledge on the issues as do most teenagers, or for that matter the majority of the American public.

I did receive one good question though:

"So answer me this. Which one of these candidates has the economical efficiencies to deal with a giant asteroid hitting the earth?"

I told him maybe if we didn't spend 87 billion on Iraq we'd have the cash on hand to deal with asteroids, and felt more than a little guilty.

I felt guilty because I never try to lead students one way or another politically. A real treat about teaching and learning history is that you realize that on all the important stuff the liberal side was right. Take a look at the right to vote, child labor laws, public schools, slavery, the United Nations, desegregation, etc., you name it really, they were all liberal causes.

That’s why it is truly awe inspiring that the Republicans have so successfully demonized the term liberal, because we are by no small measure a liberal nation. It's also infinitely frustrating that Democrats forget this and then refuse to stand up for treacherous things like the Patriot Act cause they don't want to be labeled ”out of the mainstream liberals.” There’s a big bunch of pussies up there on Capitol Hill.

Anyway, I don't try to consciously steer the kids one way or the other, because unless you were born with a trust fund or own a corporation, chances are you'll bat for our team once you crack the books and wake the fuck up.

posted by Jeff Simmermon @ 1:39 PM